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How do people who feel comfortable feel?

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(This article has authorized the "very psychological" WeChat platform to start, please contact the shifenxinli background)


Respect is a fairly high-performance ability

Respecting everyone around us is a fairly powerful function. The reason why this is a high function is because behind this respect, there is both awe and humility in life. When we can be humble, at least we have enough self-accepting functions. We can accept our own deficiencies and appreciate the merits of others. We can fear the greatness of nature and accept our own ordinaryness. Because we have the ability to accept ourselves, we have the ability to appreciate others, because we don't have to feel painful because we feel that we are not as good as others, and the ability to respect comes from this. What is contained here is love, trust, acceptance, and so on.

When the courier is beaten, it is not only the industry that lives in the bottom of society, but also the ability of each of us to trust and respect others, and our satisfaction with life. As we increasingly use our anger to feel our existence and to ensure that we feel safe in our hearts, what we lose is the ability to be kind and enjoy life.

When we feel that our hearts are not safe enough, we need a channel to release these uneasiness, and anger is a way to make us feel powerful. When we use anger to transfer our uneasiness, these anger tend to bet on those who are weaker than us. They are even more lacking in the channels to deal with these anger. The sense of injury may spread to other places in various ways, such as hostility. People who have social status and possess certain resources, such as doctors, such as public servants.

When these hostility spreads in society, all the harm experiences will eventually return to ourselves. Because we are part of this society, we give everything we go, no matter how big the circle is, we will eventually return. We ourselves. In other words, stopping the injury and developing the trust of the whole society is actually something that is relevant to each of us.


How did the "冤冤相报" come from?

In social life, we are afraid that not many people like to stay with people who are under pressure. No one likes those who cannot respect us. However, many times, we may be turning ourselves into such people.

We obviously don't like people like that, but we let ourselves become such people. Isn't this a very funny thing?

In fact, it is not ridiculous, this is human nature. Many people have this experience: I don't like the place where my parents like the most, but in the end I am most like my parents. This is because, the more we feel the pain, the more energy we spend on it to prevent ourselves from being hurt. The more energy we spend, the more we absorb from it, and we absorb it and eventually become Part of our own, this process is internalization: after taking (absorbing) and then agreeing (becoming it). When we internalize these harmful content, we often use it to prevent ourselves from being hurt, but the fact is often the opposite. If it is to become a person who oppresses others, the last person who suffers must be ourselves. Because the act of oppression is only to alleviate the fragility and weakness of our own heart, but to prevent our own fear of being oppressed, but it is a lack of security.

  • A child who grows up in being bullied may eventually learn to associate with others in a way that bullies others;

  • A child who has never been respected is hard to learn to respect others;

  • A child who grows up in fear may, when he is an adult, be alert to others from time to time, and be enemies everywhere;

  • A child who has been deprived from childhood may be like a vampire in adulthood. He feels that the whole world owes it to himself. He expects to take good things belonging to others as his own.

When looking for a helper because they don't adapt to real life, they often say, "I feel that I am hurt by them!" Yes, these people have indeed been hurt, but these injuries have also taught them to hurt others. Then, the damage they created brought them more harm, and this is what they reported.


People who feel comfortable are uncontested

In fact, there are not many people around us who feel comfortable, but those who feel comfortable, what qualities they have, we have not thought about it seriously - they are often humble people, this one Humility is from the bottom of my heart to fear people and to fear life, not to deliberately make it. Natural humility is very different from humility, and humility is often not comfortable, because if it is not the inner world that has truly developed the ability of humility and awe, it will not really face the world. .

The humble person has a very obvious feature, that is: no contention. This fight is not to be aggressive, but to not put pressure and threat on others. In the face of injury, they have the ability to laugh, treat it lightly, and then do their own things, not too much entanglement with the person who hurts. This is actually the most powerful counterattack against the perpetrators, and it is also the best protection for yourself, but it does not need to consume any energy unnecessarily. This is actually a reflection of security.

If you have such a mind, you need some practice and strength. Yes, I think that is a kind of mind. A person with a narrow heart and a fearful person can't do nothing. Being able to compete with others and fight against the world requires at least: trusting yourself and trusting others.

  • If you don't trust yourself, how can you believe that damage can be resolved? Then there is no need to fight;

  • If you don't trust others, how can you get along with others with kindness? Then there is no need for alertness and hostility.

However, trust, how luxurious is a treasure, a person, can build the ability to trust, at least prove that he was really treated with kindness. So we can understand why people who can face the bleak life are often the ones who are rich inside. Only when one truly feels that he has been satisfied can he let go of the urge to resist and capture, in order to develop the ability to accept the sense of injury, in order to face the injury without anger.


Stop and develop new possibilities

This seems to be a paradox: not being loved, how to love others? Not able to love others, how to get loved? Yes, this is indeed a strange circle. It allows us to get out of this strange circle. It is to stop and develop new possibilities. Stopping is an adventure in the sense, but all improvements start with this adventure.

If your childhood doesn't build up a sense of security with your parents, now you can start by trying something different than the past to help you rebuild your security experience, such as being kind to every encounter in your life, when you pay The more love you have, the more love you will gain. Any new and rewarding experience can bring you a different experience than before. These experiences are like the ink dripping into the clear water, which will gradually spread. Helping you accumulate more and more new experiences until you can develop enough trust in yourself and others, and you can live more freely in this world.


Be able to accept your own ordinary

The humble person has another important feature: accepting his own ordinary. He won't fight in front of people because he no longer needs to rely on the affirmation of others to affirm himself. He knows who he is and he likes this ordinary self. Therefore, he can be humble, he can live for himself, which is actually high self-esteem. A person with high self-esteem can often appreciate the beauty of others in good faith, because he will not feel painful because others have more beauty than himself; he can also make himself a background to set off others' shadows under the spotlight. Because he knows that the good of the other party does not mean that he is not good, this is a clear psychological boundary.

Humble people can more freely contact the world because they can put down all kinds of embarrassment in front of people, so often they have more creative ability, learning ability, and better interpersonal skills.

Yes, humble people are actually more healthy people. When we have the ability to make our personality healthier, our lives will be more free. Therefore, at the best age of our lives, we must learn to be humble, so that our lives will be better. And the best age of our lives is now, starting from the moment of this moment, never too late, there is always hope!