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[Father's Day] Distressed father


My father has been away for 13 years.

I often dream of my father, in various scenes, still look like when I am alive.

On Father's Day, I searched my father's name in a circle of friends and saw such traces.

Turning out the old text I wrote a year before his death, I am distressed by my father!


The father had just been discharged from the hospital for a week and was taken in by an ambulance last night.

Since the 74-year-old cerebral thrombosis left hemiplegia, his father has entered the hospital and seems to have become a regular meal. Several myocardial infarctions accompanied by multiple parts of the cerebral infarction - last night's father continued to have a high fever, after a few hours of tossing, the diagnosis was pneumonia.

Every time the father goes out, the mother will call 120, then call our three brothers and sisters, sometimes three people can find it. More often, only one or two of us are found. Then, we will concentrate in the emergency department of the hospital. The mother will repeatedly report the condition to the doctor on duty. We will find a care worker to work with the father to assist in the completion of the test, filming, and infusion until the father gives the father a slightly better position in the hallway. jobs.

The father can hardly move, his mind is clear, but he can't speak. Refers to blood, arterial blood, skin test, infusion, the father was struggling with a needle. I held my father's hand and let him not move like a child. He looked at me obediently and tried to keep himself from calling.

Looking at the gray-haired father, I was so distracted. This is the living father who once taught me to write "Long live Chairman Mao", to bring me into the swimming pool and the goalkeeper, to make a sore face, and to give our sisters a soda at home? !

His father joined the revolution in his teens and was the youngest retired veteran. As a book, he finally gave up the superior treatment of the troops and was admitted to the Chinese Department of Peking University. On the celebration of Peking University’s centennial celebration, his father could not move. His white-haired classmates told me about the interesting things that these poor students had eaten “wide” fathers during difficult times, saying that they had eaten their father’s salary of more than 90 yuan in a month. Everyone is still embarrassed, my father simply sold his beloved camera and continued to eat! The senior is from the official to the ministerial level, talking to my juniors about his father, with a lot of respect and a mischief.

Listening to his father’s old comrade-in-arms is another situation. The father of the Corps Cultural and Art Corps was described as a little scholar of the little female soldier's favorite. When the father was admitted to Peking University, there was no baggage, only books. In order to consign these books from Guangzhou, the headman specially nailed a big wooden box for him. When his father’s old comrades praised his father’s hard work, he would not hesitate to say that if his father stayed in the army, his living treatment would be many times better than his current life.

I remember when I was in my senior year, I was suddenly called home by my mother. When the mother saw me, she blew her eyes and cried to me. She said that a good female comrade-in-arms of her father’s army came to Beijing. After several twists and turns to find her father, the father accompanied the aunt to tell the dawn in Chang’an Street! Then, the father returned home happily and told his mother the truth without thinking. The mother who was afraid of her father for a night was immediately stunned! When the aunt came to call her father again, she was trained by her mother to cover her face, and she was scared to have no more.

At that time, I had already filled in a little liberalized wind in my mind, and I had some knowledge of human nature that was different from conventional textbooks. Therefore, while understanding the feelings of the mother, I was also anxious for my father. After talking with our three brothers and sisters, the mother held a critical meeting of the whole family against her father. The father made a self-review with a heavy heart. The younger brother who had just entered junior high school read his own written statement that resembled the mouthpiece of the party. Forever, my mother’s sister Yizheng resigned and expressed great disappointment with her father. It was my turn to make a key speech. I carefully searched for the wording, both to calm the mother’s vinegar and to express my father’s Understand, in the end, I criticized my father slyly, and should not go home or tell my mother in advance! After the critical meeting, the father seems to have been treated with the mother's leniency. This vigorous third party incident has not been mentioned yet.

This is the most serious emotional crisis between my father and mother.

When his father was jealous, he was only 43 years old. In the first days, my father was lying on the hospital bed, unable to move, and his mouth was unclear. The father who was at the peak of his career was hit by this huge contrast, and even thought about giving up completely. After a painful psychological struggle, the father finally chose to live. He asked his mother to hang a group of five of our family on the bedside where he could see. Whenever he was painfully tortured by hard treatment, he looked at the photos and regained courage.

In those years my father tried various treatments. I remember that my father was sent to the Xiaotangshan Spa Sanatorium for several days. Xiaotangshan is far from the city, and the mother took a long-distance bus to see him every few days. One day I turned over my mother's bag and inadvertently saw several thick love letters written by my father to my mother. For the first time, I knew my father’s nickname for my mother. For the first time, I saw my father’s enthusiasm for my mother.

A few years later, my father really stood up again - first with a crutches, then with a cane, and finally with himself!

The father regained his job, but he could no longer run the reporter as he did before. When everyone saw him as a idler, the unhappy father found himself according to the existing conditions of his unit. There is also no research area of ​​attention. With the reform and opening up, his father's research field has gradually turned into a hot spot from the unpopular restricted area. His father has also ushered in another peak of his career in this research field that no one values.

His father was invited to lecture in the United States. Overseas scholars came to the door to ask for advice. Researchers from all over the country asked him to learn from them and obtain papers, books and materials. The father warmly received all the people, had no reservations, and fully satisfied their requirements. Collecting many years of materials and books has been delivered to the end. Individuals with poor morals have achieved fame through the help of their fathers, and then they regard their fathers as passers-by. When such people need their fathers and once again cheeky, the mother will not be able to complain and feel unrest. The father will be impatient with his mother. He said that he is a person who only bury his head and do not ask for the harvest. He can help others, why not.

My time with my father and my words have never been more than my mother, but deep down, I always feel that I can communicate with my father. My mother said that I am most like a father from the appearance to the temper. Therefore, watching me and my husband share everything that I have desperately to share with my friends, I can't help but remind me to accept my father's lesson. At this time, I dare not be impatient with my mother like my father. I only marry her like a child: rest assured, your daughter is better than you.

In recent years, his father's situation has become worse and worse. The irreversible brain softening has made him a day less than a day, and today his daily life is almost impossible to take care of himself. One day, my father would not recognize her mother like Reagan did not know Nancy.

Father's May Day was spent in the hospital. On May 1st, I originally wanted to spend the holidays with my father, but I took care of myself. I rushed to see my father, watching him smile all the time, no matter how painful, eager to communicate but can't say it, trying to eat a lot of pills to make himself better, never asking for even small demands such as drinking water. Looking at the father who is still desperately trying to maintain dignity and powerlessness at this time, he will think, compared with health and happiness, what fame and fortune is really shit!

Distressed father, so he smiled and pulled his hand, looked at his eyes, and talked with him about the big day.