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Children who lack a sense of boundaries will never grow up

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01


A mother sent a circle of friends and said:

It’s too difficult to be a mother now.
I think it is to respect the child's behavior, but it is praised by others.
How can we maintain a sense of boundaries?
Respect the child and not let him think that I love him.


In fact, parents who have no such confusion?

Severe, afraid that children become timid and afraid.

Relaxed, and worried that the naughty is lawless.

Love, afraid to hold too tight, suffocating.

I can't grasp the sense of boundaries at all.


In recent years, the word sense of boundaries has become more and more important.

Because in our Chinese interactions, the boundaries are often blurred by friendship.

At home, it is often blurred by love.


How do you say that?

For example, a child, he fell to the ground, and then he should take the initiative to get up.

This is a matter of righteousness.


But I saw a boy fall to the ground. His first thing was not to get up.

Instead, I looked for my grandmother, then raised my head to the old height and shouted with my arms.

The old man was in place for the first time and raised the boy.


This is a very common thing.

However, do you know that such love has invaded the boundaries of children?

The child loses the sense of boundaries little by little in your "love".


When the child falls on his own, he climbs up on his own.

Not only did I find the sense of the boundaries of what I could do, but I also had a sense of self-identity and self-worth—“This is something I can do”.

However, children are often deprived of the opportunity to experience this experience.







02


Do you really respect the boundaries of your child?


There is a famous paragraph on Weibo, saying:


There is a kind of cold in this world, called your mother thinks you are cold;
there is also a good in the world, called "for you."


Parents who impose their own needs on them without knowing the needs of their children are actually a kind of wishful thinking, and they are a kind of shackles without borders.


The child said that this toy can't be dismantled, nor can it move. Are you saying that it is too busy or too messy to interfere?
The child said that he wants to wipe his butt. Are you afraid that he will not clean it and always do it for him?
The child fell, how do you do it?
The child keeps the worn blanket, do you respect his decision and not buy a new one?
Children are not willing to give their beloved toys to relatives' children. Do you want to help your child to guard, or do you want to force your child to share?


The child said that I want to play by myself. How did you do it?

A mother told me that a child over two years old at home is very bear.

As soon as I got outside, I ran around and didn't listen to discipline.

You are going to take him, he pushes you away and wants to do it yourself.


In fact, the children at this time began to develop themselves.

What we have to do is to give our children a safe environment.

Then let him explore and test in this circle.


Properly far away, give children space.

When the child is playing alone, let him play alone and respect his boundaries.

When the child concentrates on playing, you let the child do something else and often make the child feel angry.

The child is playing a slide, you want him to swing.

I have been saying on the side, "How are you so timid, don't dare to swing."

The child is swinging, you want him to play the ball...

Remember to give your child a safe space and let go.






03


Children who lack a sense of boundaries will never grow up.


We have seen too much indulgent and unruly love.

When a child loses his temper or needs, it is not a limitation of ability but deliberately makes the gas.

Because his self has been stuck in the original attachment stage.

For example, he has the ability to do it, he does not do it.


Because of the ambiguity of the boundaries, he felt that this was a matter for parents.

There are still many cases in which children in elementary schools are still fed by their parents.


A very important reason why children lose their sense of boundaries is that parents lack a sense of boundaries.

Did not let the children know that Mom and Dad are also in need, not everything has to listen to you, you must meet you immediately and unconditionally.


Children can always find the soft underbelly of their parents to meet their needs.

Parents who don’t have a sense of boundaries have weaknesses in their bodies, and they don’t even have themselves. They are all tied to their children.

In fact: the child's business is his own business, my own business is not a thing.


In childhood, problems are often not seen.

However, by the time of adolescence, the child's sense of independence will be strengthened once and have their own ideas.


So I said to my parents: I want to fall in love, and it is my business to fall in love with someone.

I want to study or not want to study, it is also my business.


Then the parents felt confused at the side.

Is this child not always obedient?

I know him as if I know myself.


The result confrontation occurs every day.

And the child really grew up besides this temper?

The work requires parents to help find, the money for marriage must be for the parents.

The raw child is required to be brought by the parents and the house is kept by the parents.


While squatting, while loving, I regret it again and again.

It is the status of many parents.


I have a relative, that is, the son has always been tough on his parents.

I want to get married, money out.

My wife is going to be born, you bring it.

As for the work, you have arranged for me badly.

As a result, I mixed myself for a few months and went home.


Children don’t have a sense of boundaries and they don’t understand their responsibilities.

In fact, it is sad that such a child grows up, and often is strong outside.

Can't find your own value.





04


Children who lack a sense of boundaries often ignore the feelings of the surrounding people and despise the rules.


I took my son in kindergarten a few days ago.

Because on Friday he will play with his classmates for a while.


I sat on the edge of the slide to watch them play.

Two of the big class children ran over.

A child carries a scooter and wants to slide down the slide, making it faster and more exciting.

But there is a little guy crawling there at the exit of the slide.

I remind my child's mother to take the child away.

It happened that the scooter slid down.


Then the two children wanted to pick the oranges from the orange trees behind me.

I said that I am still not familiar with it. Your school has to have a harvest festival.

He ignored me and continued to pick.

I said telling you the teacher!

They hesitated.

Then I went to the tree next to it and picked two oranges. Then I went to the slide and threw it.

Children are naughty and understandable.

But the act of not having a sense of boundaries has exposed the issue of family education.


After a while, one of the children's grandmother came over with a bag.

Ask him where is the orange?

He is very sure that he is coming from the ground.


The old man did not continue to ask.

The child ran away with gloating.





Children who have no sense of boundaries often hurt others and hurt themselves.


Set boundaries for children, in addition to love, but also learn to say softly and firmly to the children.


It is easy to say "good" to your child.

But when you say "no", it is time to test your parents and children.


Because when you say no, it means "management."

And many experts will tell you to let the child grow freely, not to control him, not to control the child.

So when mothers say no, they often hesitate. Should I say that I should not say it?

And after saying "no", the child will have resistance.


So I often advise everyone to set the rules first.

This will not be affected by emotions and yell at the child.


Smart parents know how to say gently and firmly.

Let the child know that you can do it.


I remember eating out with friends once, with a six-year-old son and a 4-year-old daughter.

Plus the one in my family, the three children clamored together.

At the beginning, I was still in the seat. After a while, I was going to climb the table.


At this time, the friend took a glass of water and took a sip of water. Then he said very seriously: "You two are too noisy. In this case, you are forbidden tonight and go home to eat."


The two children were quiet.

After a while, seeing that we were talking, they started to quarrel again.


At this time, the friends really took their tableware.

The child cried with red eyes, saying no, no, can you eat first?

Then I finally finished the meal quietly and quietly.


Parents love their children, not better, but to have reasonable limits, is the best way to love children.

When children know the consequences for their actions, they will manage their behavior.

In the process of undertaking and managing, they have already become their own masters.


And this kind of experience will make children feel the difference between "self" and others.

The sense of boundaries begins to take root, and the child's "consensus" has a significant meaning and influence on his life.