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The so-called high emotional intelligence is to see if it breaks



Xiaobao is one of my life friends. He is the only one who pays special attention to my life. Almost every circle of friends praises and comments. Many suggestions are on the head.

Such a friend is really worthy of your life, but I am really afraid to see him. His "straight" is really making you feel at a loss.

I saw a photo of Ma Yun sitting next to me on the Internet. I suddenly wanted to spoof, and I sent a circle of friends. The contents of the picture are as follows.

I had a meal with my friend yesterday. There was a middle-aged man who said that he opened an online shop and wanted to make friends with me. I refused, after all, a man sitting without a seat, can have a future, you say yes?

Friends who don’t know the truth have praised you, you are a cow! There are also some friends who know how to forward them to their circle of friends. But most of the friends who know the inside story still say that your compilation is awesome.

Only our Xiaobao, the comment came: "Master, you are not mistaken." This person must not be Ma Yun, because Ma Yun is now Davos!

I was in a state of collapse at the time. I originally understood a lot of language skills that could be used to refute him, but he was my friend after all, and the friends circle could not be deleted, so I went back to him.

"Xiao Bao, don't be so real, some things are sent out to show you a happy!"

"I don't think so, there are some things, there is no, there is no, can't be so casual!"

Looking at Xiaobao is not uncomfortable, I think this kind of behavior may be really inappropriate, I deleted the circle of friends.

After a while, a friend asked me: "Why do you want to delete a joke? Some people say that your friend circle lies, show off knowing Ma Yun, and was exposed by Xiaobao. This Xiaobao is not your friend, how to deal with it in turn. you!"

At that moment, I really want to take a piece of tofu and smash it against the wall.

You said this, it is a bit wrong, nothing to play celebrity jokes. But I can't be grateful to Xiaobao. After all, I have been acquainted with celebrities online.

You said that you hate Xiaobao. His behavior has indeed caused me some criticisms, but he really reminded me for me. After all, a person’s starting point is not malicious. How can you hate it?

A person who is as keen as Xiaobao is really difficult to let him not say it. But if you say it, you have to process it. It makes people feel that although you are against other people's behaviors or opinions, you are also trying to understand others, so that others' hearts will be better.

Xiaobao, you can completely remind me separately: "Master, you are really amazing, Ma Yun actually flew back from the Davos forum to see you."

We always emphasize that one should be good at accepting criticism, arrogance, good medicine, loyalty, and so on. In fact, most of the time we do not accept "speaking straight" people, not because we are weak inside.

But when a person speaks, what if the basics of your feelings are not considered? How do I believe that your suggestion is really helpful to me, or just to vent your dissatisfaction with me.

"Knowledge people do not have to say anything, see through without breaking," is a superposition of wisdom and conservation, is the embodiment of the heart is filled with others. Life is a prison, and all of us are imprisoned, why bother to spoil our common ending in advance.

However, what most people don't understand is that "it is not completely unspeakable, but not broken." There are too many fake and false in this world. Don’t always think that everyone is drunk and I am alone. Leave half of the words to others to add to it, and you have twice the wisdom in that moment.


Lao Du is a classmate of my university. He holds an Adler's "Beyond Inferiority" at any time. You have to ask him to write a thesis, declare a topic, get a scholarship or something, he will not hesitate. Answering you "This is easy!"

However, in fact, he never applied for a scholarship, reported a topic, and voted. He always likes to brag, he was very good when he was a child.

This is one of the drawbacks of contemporary primary family education. These excellent children were too powerful when they were small. At that time, they were highly praised by the outside world. As a result, their position in themselves was high.

After the university, the children who were initially ignorant began to come. However, the childhood elite who lost the excellent aura, but because of the early excessive struggle and self-indulgence, the lack of regaining the position must have some psychological qualities.

So they refused to accept the failure and always wanted to prove their excellence. This anxiety not only greatly dragged their backs, but also their strong self-doubt and psychological pain, which made them deeply immersed in the mud.

Lao Du is such a person, but he learned to use "additional identity" to prove himself.

When the class reunion, the long-lost Lao Du came to participate, and also brought a piece of news - he went to work at Peking University!

Everyone is surprised, we all know that it is almost a fantasy to want to go to Peking University as a teacher under our conditions.

In fact, I know that Lao Du is working at a research institute affiliated with Peking University. Almost eight scorpions can't be related. Not only did it not be prepared, but the salary was only enough for rent. Lao Du’s days were extremely difficult.

Before Lao Du used to work in a mental hospital, the treatment was much better than this, but he felt that a unit like a mental hospital did not sound high enough, so he resigned.

I can also see that although the students are constantly complimenting him, the smiling mouth is a little disdainful, they must know the old Du.

As a friend who skipped classes together that year, I feel that I need to remind Lao Du. When I have the opportunity to brag with Lao Du, I said to Lao Du.

"Lao Du, you must have heard the story of Yu Minhong at work at Peking University!"

"Have heard, what is his specific story?"

"Yu Minhong was also a teacher at Peking University. Later he left to set up New Oriental and became the richest teacher in the country. He said one sentence, living in the eyes of others, is always a vassal of others' eyes, living in his own eyes, is himself Master. I think 'Beida teacher' is too tied to your development! Parents are still squatting, and when we lecture, we don't pick the place, don't pick the pose!"

After listening to my words, Lao Du said thoughtfully: "If we want to develop within the system, we are too tender. Young teachers want to make money, but they have to take a look outside."

Obviously, my suggestion to him is effective, and his interpretation of my suggestion adds something he understands.

After a few days, Lao Du heard the news that he resigned from Peking University. Now that China Mobile is engaged in employee training, the wage income has increased significantly, but he still has to emphasize that China Mobile is the world's top 500.


The key to not breaking is that when you state something, don't add moral dogma, express your feelings truthfully, don't infer serious consequences, and try to make the other party pay attention.

Because people are hard to pay attention to the consequences of their own mistakes, he pays more attention to your emotional links.

The biggest drawback of "saying broken" is that once you over-explain the other party's mistakes, the other party will be eager to defend. In his opinion, things are not so serious, and in his opinion he has no regrets.

A well-trained person reminds others.

"You didn't call me last night. I worried about you all night. I thought you must have had a tricky thing, or some of my behavior made you unhappy!"

First of all, we only talk about our feelings and avoid the so-called "catastrophic consequences."

Secondly, adding reasons to other people's behavior, plus explanations, gave them a step.

Finally, reduce moral evaluation and express an emotional concern.

If you look at it and you don’t break it, you seem to have a big heart that forgives others for minor mistakes. Informed friends will silently appreciate you and even have a good impression on you.

Cangyang Gyatso said: In order to meet you, I left room in my previous life. I used a lotus flower to discuss my afterlife and then ran to each other for a lifetime.

Knowing how to leave a blank for feelings, can last a long time, can not appreciate, can appreciate each other. The act of tearing someone else's wounds will only make your heart less and less spacious.

You must understand one thing: when you want to speak, what you say must be more valuable than your silence .