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"The more you like, the farther you are away"--Analysis of "avoidance attachment" in love

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Psychology divides people's personality in intimate relationships into three types: security-dependent personality, anxiety-dependent personality, and avoidance-dependent personality.

About 65% of people are dependent on security, and they will rely on each other in love but will also maintain a rational part.


In the past articles, we have analyzed in detail the anxiety attachment personality and the corresponding coping style.

Hong Sang: Why do you "do" in love? zhuanlan.zhihu.com

The avoidant attachment personality is more complicated and tricky.


As shown in the above figure, most people's cognition of intimate relationships is basically derived from the influence of the native family.

When I was on the telephone consultation yesterday, I met such an unavoidable attachment personality. His family relationship is very typical. From a young age, he was a left-behind child. Mom and Dad went out to do business when he was very young. In his heart, he always felt that his parents did not love himself, which led to a feeling of inferiority in love.

"I think, I am probably a child who is not worthy of being loved."

Basically, the os of all avoidance-type attachments are similar.

Those who have not been loved, after meeting love, are not happy, but fearful and uneasy.



I believe that the next words will sound very emotional and will be very good.

But I believe that everyone has had such an experience, but the ending of that experience is not as good as the fairy tale, and the wishful thinking has no end.

So we shed this experience of shame, and then laugh at people with self-deprecating and biting tone.

If you have never met, I can only say that I don't know if you are lucky or unfortunate.


1.

Because I think, you can't look at me.

They said that they like to go alone and say that they like her and you are going to tell her.

They said that I am very good and very good, they said not to try how you know

But I can't do it, the more I like it, the more humble I am.

Sometimes I will sulking myself by myself, forcing myself to courage by telling me about your shortcomings, telling myself that you are not perfect, I don't want to lift my head.

But every time I approach you, I still feel for a moment: Why is there such a perfect person in my world?

short? Where is it short, I told you that this is called the most cute height difference know; boring? This is called calm, how do you jump up and down every day; bad temper? Do you know what is true nature? This is keep real!

Sewage? .......Emmmm....Girls, it’s cute.

The more I like you, the more I feel that you are perfect, the more perfect you are, the less I dare to approach.



2.

Because I think that those performances are just my own passion.

I have debated, I am the most thoughtful, and the most powerful time to argue is that when I am fighting in my heart, the debate is: Does her performance today prove that she also likes me?

Zhengfang just finished saying that you will talk to you every time, and it will be very late. The opposite party immediately said, pulling down and chatting late is because people only return to you once in half an hour, and they almost drowned in the bathroom. Go back

Zheng Fang just finished saying that she said that she likes the type of boy. Every one of them meets her standards. The opponent immediately replies that the man who chased her last time is also her money. How can it be rejected inexplicably;

Zheng Fang just said that she took the initiative to praise me and said that I was very happy with me; the opposing party immediately ridiculed that if there is a loose boy who gives me delicious food every day to take me to play, I am also happy, who does not like people silly More money;

......

The referee couldn't come to a conclusion, but could only helplessly watch the two bars screaming and screaming.

Whenever I like you and feel a little signal wanting to approach you, I can always interpret another negative meaning, let me touch and withdraw my hand.

I am worried that I am passionate and worried that I will not understand the customs.




3.

Because I think, I still don't deserve my favorite.

The more I like you, the more I want to give you the best, the more I want to shine in front of you.

I still have no chance to drive, but I am ready to fulfill my obligations.

I want to give you all the good things I have, and think about your shopping cart;

I want to give you a box of boxes to buy things, I want to take you to many places;

I want to tell you a long story and I want to answer all the doubts you may have.

I want to be the best of myself, so that you can be proud of your face when you introduce me to others one day.

But when the pink bubble burst, I was frustrated to realize that I liked you, and I didn't deserve it.

I can't support myself myself, how can I do the best for you?

I still have so many doubts about the world, how can I give you so much confusion?

I haven’t had enough experience yet, how can I precipitate them and tell them as a good night story at night?

When I looked at the mirror, I found that I didn't necessarily like myself. I didn't deserve my favorite.

They all said that if you love someone, be sure to tell him.


Not to ask him to repay, but to let him deny himself in the dark days of the future, remembering that there are people in the world who love him so much, he is not nothing.

But I can't say it because I am afraid that my love is too cheap for you to support you through that time;

But I can't say it, because I am afraid that if I press my heart, I will be forgotten by you, and you will still feel helpless in a late night. No one loves you.

I still can't say it, because I think that love itself is not something worthy of recognition. It is a pan-space, empty, even if it is strong, it is just a sustenance when you talk about masturbation.

Therefore, I finally chose to stay away, self-deception. It is young and ignorant. Self-deception is impulsive and not like.

It’s shameful to escape, but it must be useful?

I don't know, I only know, I think now, I still regret very much why I didn't lean closer to you.


the above

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